Social Security Reform

Dear Taxpayer,

We would like to announce a new initiative to lower the eligibility age for social security to age 50. Additionally, so as not to descriminate against younger Americans, benefits will be available to those 25 years of age and older who meet certain requirements:

• Do you really need the money?
• Do you really, really need the money?
• Are you sure you need the money?
• Are you female?
• Are you male?
• Have you ever paid taxes?
• Have you ever paid taxes to the United States of America?
• Do you know what taxes are?
• Do you know how to spell taxes?
• Do you promise not to spend the money on liquor or cigarettes?
• Do you promise to share the liquor and cigarettes with those less fortunate?
• Do you have?
• Do you have not?
• Are you still absolutely positively certain you need the money?

If you age over the age of elegibility, answered yes to two or more of the above questions, or believe that at some time in the future you will answer yes to two or more of the above questions, please click here to request benefits.

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